Hello! Are you tired of all the wrestling in one week yet? Well tough shit, there's even more wrestling coming at you with a Smackdown-sized pre-show and two nights of WrestleMania! Did we do right in our picks for NXT Takeover Stand & Deliver? Didn't you love that [Mr. Black] won that match? Or how about when [Mr. Black] hit [Mr. Black] with that big move! I can't believe we were all wrong about [Mr. Black] winning!
Because I can never not promote my Quixo-WWE fantasy booking, we're going to compare what we would have done with Quixo-WWE WrestleMania 37 back in October 2020 after the brand draft and see how far off we were. Spoilers: very!
For night one, we had:
WWE World Title Match: Andrade Almas vs Drew McIntyre ©
Winner: Quixo, because all WWE did was beat me to the punch as Lashley/McIntyre was in the cards for Quxo-WWE SummerSlam. Plus, we kept Andrade employed.
Buddy Murphy vs Seth Rollins
Winner: WWE, Cesaro/Rollins is far more enjoyable.
WWE Smackdown Tag Team Titles Match: Artist Collective (Sami Zayn & Shinsuke Nakamura) vs Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode vs Los Mysterios (Dominik & Rey Mysterio) vs Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) vs Usos (Jey & Jimmy Uso) ©
Winner: Quixo, since we had 3 of the teams correct in our make-believe booking and the other team in the real match (Chad Gable & Otiz Dozovic) literally weren't a team yet. When is Jimmy Uso coming back?
Keith Lee & Mercedes Martinez vs Retribution (Dominik Dijakovic & Mia Yim)
Winner: Quixo, purely because NONE OF THEM ARE ON THE CARD.
Three Stages of Hell Match: Bayley vs Sasha Banks
Winner: Quixo, because we need more women wrestling.
WWE United States Title Match: Mustafa Ali (w/ Retribution) vs Ricochet ©
Winner: Quixo, because again NEITHER IS ON THE CARD. WHY ARE THEY NOT ON THE CARD? I WILL NOT COUNT THE SMACKDOWN PRE-SHOW.
Firefly Funhouse Match: AJ Styles vs Bray Wyatt
Winner: Quixo, because I'm not sure if Wyatt/Orton is even a funhouse match. They've fought so many times. Wyatt needs to show Styles that Earth isn't flat.
Baron Corbin vs Chad Gable (w/ Daniel Bryan)
Winner: WWE, because Bryan instead of acting as a manager is in the main event.
WWE Raw Women’s Title Match w/ special guest referee Becky Lynch: Charlotte Flair vs Asuka ©
Winner: Quixo, because I love Rhea Ripley but I want Asuka to have a WrestleMania win over Charlotte Flair more.
For night two we had:
WWE Intercontinental Title Special International Ladder Match: Aleister Black vs Apollo Crews vs Cesaro vs Kalisto vs Sheamus vs Kevin Owens ©
Winner: WWE, because I admitted even in my write-up that this one was just thrown together, though I still miss Aleister Black. WHY IS HE NOT ON MY TV.
NXT vs NXT UK Titles Match: Finn Balor © vs WALTER ©
Winner: WWE, because having two-nights of NXT Takeover is better than no nights of NXT Takeover.
John Morrison vs The Miz
Winner: Quixo, because this needs to happen, even as a joke to just get them on the card.
WWE Smackdown Women’s Title Match: Zelina Vega vs Bianca Belair ©
Winner: WWE, since Banks/Belair should be the better match.
Cage Fight Match: Bobby Lashley (w/ MVP) vs Brock Lesnar (w/ Kurt Angle)
Winner: Quixo, because duh.
WWE Women’s Tag Team Titles Gauntlet Match: Flex Appeal (Dana Brooke & Mandy Rose) vs Lacey Evans & Lana vs Liv 2 Riott (Liv Morgan & Ruby Riott) vs Rhea Ripley & Shotzi Blackheart vs Nia Jax & Naomi © vs Shayna Baszler & Ronda Rousey ©
Winner: n/a, we both went the throw-them-all-in route and should be better.
Hardy Compound Exorcism Match: Alexa Bliss (w/ Braun Strowman) vs Nikki Cross (w/ Jeff Hardy)
Winner: Quixo, because DID YOU READ THE MATCH TYPE?!?
WWE Raw Tag Team Titles Elimination Match: Catch Point (Drew Gulak & Matt Riddle) vs New Day (Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods) vs Hurt Business (Cedric Alexander & Shelton Benjamin) ©
Winner: Quixo, because the Hurt is still in Business.
WWE Universal Title Match: Big E (w/ New Day) vs Roman Reigns (w/ Usos) ©
Winner: WWE, because it’s hard to pass up both Daniel Bryan and Edge. Plus I definitely ended it on a down note because I’m a jerk.
By the power of math, it looks like 11 of our 18 matches are better in Quixo-WWE than real-WWE. That’s science.
One thing that I tried to do was have multiple non-title women’s matches and came up with two (along with the three title matches and admittedly I still put most wrestlers into the tag tran titles match). Of the four women in non-titles matches, only one (Sasha Banks) is on the card as the defending Smackdown champion. I understand (sadly) that they’re not invested in Nikki Cross like I am (and the possibilities of multiple Sister Abigail possessions), but what about Alexa Bliss? And what the fuck about Bayley? She carried the women’s division on Smackdown for a year before losing the title to Banks. How is she not on the card? I recently saw a sad stat that WrestleMania will be Bianca Belair’s first singles match on a main roster PPV - every match she’s been in has been a multi-person match. What the hell? And why haven’t we committed to Belair/Banks main eventing night one? Just do it.
Now that I’ve got myself all riled up, let’s check in with the standings for the Quixotronic's Wrestling Shame Challenge™. If you caught our NXT Takeover Stand & Deliver preview, you know these are only through the WWE Fastlane 2021 show. After WrestleMania we'll celebrate the winner, shame the loser, and start fresh.
Previously on Fanboy Wrestletronic…
Standings going into WWE Fastlane 2021
First Place: Kyle 64.7% (97-53)
Second Place: Tim 58.4% (59-42)
Third Place: Ryan 30.8% (24-54)
WWE Fastlane 2021 results:
WWE United States Title Match: Mustafa Ali vs Matt Riddle ©
Your Winner, and STILL WWE United States Champion: Matt Riddle
Kyle: n/a (0-0)
Ryan: n/a (0-0)
Tim: n/a (0-0)
WWE Women's Tag Team Titles Match: Bianca Belair & Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler ©
Your Winners, and STILL WWE Women's Tag Team Champions: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler
Kyle: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (1-0)
Ryan: n/a (0-1)
Tim: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (1-0)
WWE Intercontinental Title Match: Apollo Crews vs Big E ©
Your Winner, and STILL WWE Intercontinental Champion: Big E
Kyle: Big E (2-0)
Ryan: n/a (0-2)
Tim: Big E (2-0)
Braun Strowman vs Shane McMahon Elias
Your Winner: Braun Strowman
Kyle: n/a (2-0)
Ryan: n/a (0-2)
Tim: n/a (2-0)
Seth Rollins vs Shinsuke Nakamura
Your Winner: Seth Rollins
Kyle: n/a (2-0)
Ryan: n/a (0-2)
Tim: n/a (2-0)
No DQ Match: Drew McIntyre vs Sheamus
Your Winner: Drew McIntyre
Kyle: Drew McIntyre (3-0)
Ryan: n/a (0-3)
Tim: Drew McIntyre (3-0)
Alexa Bliss vs Randy Orton
Your Winner: Alexa Bliss
Kyle: Alexa Bliss (4-0)
Ryan: n/a (0-4)
Tim: Alexa Bliss (4-0)
WWE Universal Title Match: Daniel Bryan vs Roman Reigns ©
Your Winner, and STILL WWE Universal Champion: Roman Reigns
Kyle: Roman Reigns (5-0)
Ryan: n/a (0-5)
Tim: Roman Reigns (5-0)
And now the conclusion…
New standings after WWE Fastlane 2021
First Place: Kyle 65.8% (102-53)
Second Place: Tim 60.4% (64-42)
Third Place: Ryan 28.9% (24-59)
Who will survive!?
If you want to watch WWE WrestleMania 37 live on Saturday & Sunday, you’ll want to subscribe to Peacock (not WWE Network - it is off on a farm upstate where it can finally figure out exactly what it was that the Rock was cooking). Until then, here’s your Quixotronic preview of the show.
Andre the Giant Battle Royal
Announced: Akira Tozawa, Angel Garza, Baron Corbin, Buddy Murphy, Cedric Alexander, Dio Maddin, Dominik Dijakovic, Drew Gulak, Elias, Erik, Gran Metalik, Humberto Carrillo, Jaxson Ryker, Jey Uso, Kalisto, Lince Dorado, Mustafa Ali, Ricochet, Shane Thorne, Shelton Benjamin, Shinsuke Nakamura, Tucker
The Background: It was announced via Twitter on April 1st that the Andre the Giant battle royal would return to a special "WrestleMania edition" of Smackdown, also known as the two-hour pre-show. There are some suprising names on here that don't have matches otherwise, such as Baron Corbin, Jey Uso, Mustafa Ali, and Shinsuke Nakamura. While I may be a booster for many other names (cough cough Hurt Business cough cough), Corbin and Nakamura both have main evented previous pay-per-views in world title matches, and both Jey Uso and Mustafa Ali have both been involved in storylines for the last few months so its surprising they haven't gotten specific match ups this year. It's not hard - Mustafa Ali really needs to have a PPV match with Kofi Kingston, or even just toss him and Dominik Dijakovic (I refuse to use the Retribution names) into the Raw Tag Team titles match? I guess you'd have to not break up Retribution first? They can just face off then. Shinsuke Nakamura was used in Apollo Crews heel turn, so why can't he be popped into the WWE Intercontinental title match? And as stupid as it may sound, it sort of makes sense to slip Baron Corbin into the WWE World title match if not for the WWE Universal title match wasn't already changed to a triple threat. I actually kind of want that to be the Raw main event for the next big show because it at least has history behind it. Plus Jimmy Uso should be healthy soon? Right?
Fanboy Fantasy: Without fantasy booking the whole match since it’s on the pre-show, I would have the final four be Dominik Dijakovic, Mustafa Ali, Shinsuke Nakamura, and Baron Corbin. Ali and Corbin team up to eliminate Dijakovic, and Nakamura hits both with a Kinsasha knocking out Corbin. Ali and Nakamura go for a minute or two until Corbin interferes and distracts Nakamura for Ali to make the elimination and win. Ali demands a World title shot on the Raw after WrestleMania but is interrupted by WWE United States champion Matt Riddle because bro, Ali can’t even beat Riddle. But if Riddle beats Ali again, then he can demand a title shot, right? They face off, and Ali finally beats Riddle for the title.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Baron Corbin - since Corbin goes wherever he wants now, why not have him also become the first two-time Andre the Giant battle royal winner? It's obviously meant something to him and everyone else who has won before, so it'll mean double this time!
WWE Smackdown Tag Team Titles Match: Alpha Academy (Chad Gable & Otis Dozovic) vs Los Mysterios (Dominik & Rey Mysterio) vs Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) vs Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode ©
The Background: Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode, supposedly going by the name the "Dirty Dawgs" but I refuse to call them by that, defeated the Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) on the January 8th Smackdown to win the WWE Smackdown Tag Team titles. Since then the tag team division has basically comprised the Street Profits, the father-son duo of Rey & Dominik Mysterio, and new and surprisingly heel friends Chad Gable & Otis Dozovic as Alpha Academy while Ziggler and Roode do their best to not interfer in things as long as they have the belts. Each team has beaten each other while trying to work their way into title shots. With all three challengers with equal scores, they will all get a shot against the champions in a fatal four way on the go-home Smackdown acting as the pre-show to WrestleMania.
Fanboy Fantasy: Street Profits should win it here because I enjoy when couples are champions and (spoilers) I will also be fantasy booking Belair to win the Smackdown Women’s title.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Los Mysterios - I don't think WWE can resist having a father-son team as tag team champions. That's gotta check some sort of box on the bingo card in the WWE Archives somewhere, right?
WWE WrestleMania 37
Cage Match: Braun Strowman vs Shane McMahon
The Background: After being left out of Raw's elimination chamber match at WWE Elimination Chamber 2021 that was booked by Shane McMahon, Braun Strowman showed up on the February 22nd Raw demanding a title shot. McMahon said he had to go through Bobby Lashley for a chance to be inserted into Lashley's title match against the WWE World champion Miz the next week - and Strowman failed. Strowman was teamed with Adam Pearce for a shot at the WWE Raw Tag Team titles against the Hurt Business members Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin instead and Strowman failed after Pearce tagged himself in on McMahon's order and ate a pin from Benjamin. Strowman challenged McMahon to a match on the March 15th Raw, but a match never started because Strowman was slimed. Not Slimer-in-Ghostbusters slimed, but You-Can't-Do-That-On-Television slimed. They tried again at WWE Fastlane 2021 but McMahon subbed in Elias instead. Strowman defeated Elias both at Fastlane and the March 22nd Raw, and finally Elias's roadie Jaxson Ryker on the March 29th Raw. In doing so, McMahon allowed Strowman to pick a stipulation for their match: a cage match! This match is scheduled for night one.
Fanboy Fantasy: Shamelessly copy and pasted from my Fastlane writeup - Braun Strowman powerslams Shane McMahon. And then he powerslams him again. And then he powerslams him again. And then he powerslams him again. Adam Pearce shows up and tries to stop Strowman, so Strowman powerslams Pearce. And then he powerslams Pearce again. And then he turns back to McMahon and powerslams him again. And then he powerslams McMahon again. Do a quick cut or something and have McMahon replaced by a pile of slime in the middle of the ring. Strowman pins the slime escapes the cage that they were in the whole time for the win. Shane McMahon is not seen ever again, and if he must show up, he always now has green hair.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Braun Strowman - Shane-o will fall off the cage and land on the announce table just enough to not be counted as the winner.
Tim: Shane McMahon
Bad Bunny & Damian Priest vs John Morrison & The Miz
The Background: Fun fact - no one in the Fire Pro Wrestling World community has made a "Bad Bunny" create-a-wrestler. Oh well? Anyways, Bad Bunny introduced his new music video about Booker T of all people at WWE Royal Rumble 2021, which Miz and John Morrison immedietly had issues with. The next night on the February 1st Raw, Bad Bunny returned to introduce Damian Priest to the Raw roster on MizTV and watched as Priest defeated Miz in his first Raw match. On the February 15th Raw, Bad Bunny won the WWE 24/7 title with Priest's help by pinning a downed Akira Tozawa - he actually had the belt with him when he was the musical guest on February 20th SNL, but there were no SNL hijinks. Where's the synergy, NBC? He eventually traded the title back to R-Truth on the March 15th Raw in exchange for some John Cena merch. In the meantime, Miz spent this time by being inserted into Raw's WWE World Title Elimination Chamber match at WWE Elimination Chamber 2021 and then pulling out because he still had the Money-in-the-Bank briefcase so he didn't need that, and then using Bobby Lashley to cash-in and win the WWE World title for the second time. Lashley, of course, murdered him later, so now Miz is back to attacking Bad Bunny after the title/merch trade. Bad Bunny attacked Miz with a guitar on the March 22nd Raw, and lastly on the April 5th Raw their WrestleMania match was upgraded to a tag team match along with Damian Priest and John Morrison. This match is scheduled for night one.
Fanboy Fantasy: Priest and Morrison start and Priest is able to hold his own for a bit until Morrison and Miz are able to tag in and out enough to double team Priest and wear him out. Miz demands that Priest tag Bad Bunny in because he wants to really fight the musician. Priest can be heard over the ring speakers trying to argue that they really don't want to fight Bad Bunny. It would be bad. Bunny. But no, Miz demands it, so Priest finally gives in and tags Bad Bunny in who starts hitting insane Matrix ninja moves. Flip onto Miz, hurricanrana onto Morrison, shooting star press onto Miz, the bad guys are stunned. Bunny tags Priest back in, Priest hits Miz with a Hit The Lights, Bunny hits Miz with a skull-crushing finale, and Priest pins Miz for the win. On later Raws, Priest points out that Miz should thank him for pinning him because at least he got beaten by a fellow competitor, though Bad Bunny could have pinned him just as easily. Plus, Morrison gets fed up with Miz's anticts and we finally split these two up and they can feud all summer.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Bad Bunny & Damian Priest - there's really no reason to give Miz and Johnny Mondo the win here? Can we finally split them up and get the Miz/Morrison feud? Please?
Tim: Johnny Mondo & The Miz
Tag Team Turmoil Match for #1 Contendership to the WWE Women's Tag Team Titles: Dana Brooke & Mandy Rose vs Lana & Naomi vs Natalya & Tamina vs Riott Squad (Liv Morgan & Ruby Riott)
WWE Women's Tag Team Titles Match: [winners of tag team turmoil match] vs Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler ©