Welcome back! How have your last couple of weeks been? Hopefully better than Vince McMahon's!
To recap very quickly- first McMahon was reportedly under investigation for paying off a woman he had an affair with but maybe with his own money. Then Vince went on Smackdown to weirdly open the show though reportedly yelled "Fuck 'em!" once he got to the back. Then it was multiple women but maybe with his own money. Then he stepped down as CEO and Stephanie McMahon and Nick Khan were named co-CEOs, but would still be involved in creative. Then there are $14.6 million in WWE payments linked to McMahon and his affairs so yeah probably not his own money. Then Vince announced he was retiring, was forced to drop a bunch of his WWE stock, and now Triple H is in charge of talent and creative.
I wish I could say I was surprised? But nope, not surprised at all. The idea that Stephanie McMahon and Triple H (and Nick Khan) are in charge and Vince is out is far more surprising than any of the allegations. So you know what? We're moving on. How about a wish list of things Triple H will hopefully miraculously change in WWE:
Chop the last hour off of Raw - use it to air WWE documentaries or best-of's or Broken Skull Sessions or anything that still gives them the hour but Raw itself does not need to be 3 hours long.
Enough with the weird banned words like "belt" and "wrestler."
Enough with changing people's names. I want the next Smackdown to open with Pete Dunne waking up and his entire time as "Butch" was a dream that only we remember. He's been Pete Dunne the whole time and it's all a retcon. The world wants a Bro-serweights reunion!
Bring back whomever you can that's not already in AEW like Sasha Banks and Naomi (THOSE TWO FIRST), Johnny Gargano & Candice LeRae (they can calm Austin Theory down), Tegan Nox & Dakota Kai (another tag team!), Karrion Kross (NXT version but on main roster), Bronson Reed, and hey how about Bray Wyatt? Have The Fiend come back and take the last of his power back from Alexa Bliss so she can be her normal self again instead of stuck in weird half-normal/half-crazy limbo.
If NXT needs to be developmental, be more honest about it - Apollo Crews went down to NXT because he had nothing on Raw or Smackdown. Send more down like Dominik Mysterio or Reggie or even Humberto Carrillo and Angel Garza. Likewise, use NXT stars for more squash-like matches and you can bill it as them getting a shot at the main roster so it's not a surprise they're being used to build up someone else. Unless you want that shock win, of course.
Champion always comes out last.
Continuity consistency please. Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley teamed up on the last Raw, but they spent most of the Thunderdome-era fighting over the WWE World title. It literally opened WWE WrestleMania 37. Just because they're both good-guys now doesn't mean they immediately like each other. You need to explain they respect each other now on the show, not just Twitter. That's why I love Eddie Kingston - he's a good guy and both Claudio Castagnoli and Bryan Danielson are good guys, but he still fucking hates them for wronging him in the past. I respect someone who has a list.
All this is to say: good luck, everyone! Please be more entertaining! It shouldn't be so easy for me to come up with better fantasy booking than what's actually on television. I'm not paid for this. Wait, can I get paid for this?
Let's check in with the new results from the Amazing Spectacular Web of Quixotronic Wrestling Shame Challenge! Or just skip right to our preview/booking for WWE SummerSlam 2022.
Previously on Fanboy Wrestletronic…
Standings going into AEWxNJPW Forbidden Door 2022 :
1st Place: Tim 70.6%
2nd Place: Kyle 64.6%
3rd Place: Andy 63.6%
4th Place: Ryan 0.0%
AEWxNJPW Forbidden Door (06/26/22) results :
Chris Jericho, Minoru Suzuki, & Sammy Guevara) def. Eddie Kingston, Shota Umino, & Wheeler Yuta by pinfall.
Kyle: Chris Jericho, Minoru Suzuki, & Sammy Guevara (1-0)
Tim: Eddie Kingston, Shota Umino, & Wheeler Yuta (0-1)
IWGP & ROH Tag Team Titles Match : FTR (Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood) (ROH ©) def. Roppongi Vice (Rocky Romero & Trent Beretta), United Empire (Great-O-Khan & Jeff Cobb) (IWGP ©) to win the IWGP Tag Team titles.
Kyle: United Empire (1-1)
AEW All-Atlantic Title Match : PAC def. Clark Connors, Malakai Black, Miro by submission to win the AEW All-Atlantic title.
Kyle: PAC (2-1)
Darby Allin, Shingo Takagi, & Sting def. Bullet Club (Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, & El Phantasmo) by pinfall.
Kyle: Bullet Club (2-2)
AEW Women's Title Match : Thunder Rosa © def. Toni Storm by pinfall.
Kyle: Thunder Rosa (3-2)
Tim: Thunder Rosa (1-1)
IWGP United States Title Match : Will Ospreay © def. Orange Cassidy by pinfall.
Kyle: Orange Cassidy (3-3)
Claudio Castagnoli def. Zack Sabre Jr by pinfall.
Kyle: Claudio Castagnoli (4-3)
IWGP World Heavyweight Title Match : Jay White © def. Adam Cole, Adam Page, Kazuchika Okada by pinfall.
Kyle: Jay White (5-3)
Interim AEW World Title Match : Jon Moxley def. Hiroshi Tanahashi by pinfall to win the Interim AEW World title.
Kyle: Jon Moxley (6-3)
Impact Against All Odds 2022 (07/01/22) results :
Impact Digital Media Title Dot.Combat Match : Brian Myers def. Rich Swann © by pinfall to win the Impact Digital Media title.
Kyle: Rich Swann (0-1)
The Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley & Chris Sabin) def. Bullet Club (Ace Austin & Chris Bey) by pinfall.
Kyle: Bullet Club (0-2)
Chelsea Green & Deonna Purrazzo def. Mia Yim & Mickie James by pinfall.
Kyle: Chelsea Green & Deonna Purrazzo (1-2)
Impact X-Division Title Match : Mike Bailey © def. Trey Miguel by pinfall.
Kyle: Mike Bailey (2-2)
Impact Knockouts Tag Team Titles Match : Rosemary & Taya Valkyrie © def. The Influence (Gisele Shaw & Tenille Dashwood) by pinfall.
Kyle: Rosemary & Taya Valkyrie (3-2)
Heath Miller, America's Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm), & the Good Brothers (Doc Gallows & Karl Anderson) def. Honor No More (Eddie Edwards, Kenny King, Matt Taven, Mike Bennett, & PCO) by pinfall.
Kyle: Heath Miller, America's Most Wanted, & the Good Brothers (4-2)
Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match : Moose def. Sami Callihan by pinfall.
Kyle: Sami Callihan (4-3)
Impact Knockouts Title Match : Jordynne Grace © def. Tasha Steelz by pinfall.
Kyle: Jordynne Grace (5-3)
Impact World Title Match : Josh Alexander © def. Joe Doring by pinfall.
Kyle: Josh Alexander (6-3)
WWE (Hush) Money in the Bank 2022 (07/02/22) results :
Money in the Bank Ladder Match : Liv Morgan def. Alexa Bliss, Asuka, Becky Lynch, Lacey Evans, Raquel Rodriguez, & Shotzi Blackheart by briefcase capture to win the Money in the Bank briefcase.
Kyle: Becky Lynch (0-1)
Tim: Alexa Bliss (0-1)
WWE United States Title Match : Bobby Lashley def. Austin Theory © by submission to win the WWE United States title.
Kyle: Austin Theory (0-2)
Tim: Bobby Lashley (1-1)
Raw Women's Title Match : Bianca Belair © def. Carmella by pinfall.
Kyle: Bianca Belair (1-2)
Tim: Bianca Belair (2-1)
WWE Undisputed Tag Team Titles Match : The Usos (Jey & Jimmy Uso) © def. The Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) by pinfall.
Kyle: The Usos (2-2)
Tim: The Usos (3-1)
Smackdown Women's Title Match : Ronda Rousey © def. Natalya Neidhart by submission.
Kyle: Ronda Rousey (3-2)
Tim: Natalya (3-2)
Smackdown Women's Title Money-in-the-Bank Cash-In Match : Liv Morgan def. Ronda Rousey © by pinfall to win the Smackdown Women's title.
Kyle: n/a (3-2)
Tim: n/a (3-2)
Money in the Bank Ladder Match : Austin Theory def. Drew McIntyre, Madcap Moss, Matt Riddle, Omos, Sami Zayn, Seth Rollins, Sheamus by briefcase capture to win the Money in the Bank briefcase.
Kyle: Matt Riddle (3-3)
Tim: Drew McIntyre (3-3)
WWE NXT 2.0 Great American Bash 2022 (07/05/22) results :
NXT Women's Tag Team Titles Match : Cora Jade & Roxanne Perez def. Toxic Attraction (Gigi Dolan & Jacy Jayne) © by pinfall to win the NXT Women's Tag Team title.
Kyle: Cora Jade & Roxanne Perez (1-0)
Trick Williams def. Wes Lee by pinfall.
Kyle: Wes Lee (1-1)
Tiffany Stratton def. Wendy Choo by pinfall.
Kyle: Tiffany Stratton (2-1)
NXT North American Title Match : Carmelo Hayes © def. Grayson Waller by pinfall.
Kyle: Grayson Waller (2-2)
NXT Men's Tag Team Titles Match : The Creed Brothers (Brutus & Julius Creed) © def. Diamond Mine (Damon Kemp & Roderick Strong) by pinfall.
Kyle: The Creed Brothers (3-2)
NXT Men's Title Match : Bron Breakker © def. Cameron Grimes by pinfall.
Kyle: Bron Breakker (4-2)
AEW ROH Death Before Dishonor 2022 (07/23/22) results :
Colt Cabana def. Anthony Henry by pinfall.
Kyle: Colt Cabana (1-0)
The Trust Busters (Ariya Daivari & Slim J) def. The Shinobi Shadow Squad (Cheeseburger & Eli Isom) by pinfall.
Kyle: The Trust Busters (2-0)
The Embassy (Brian Cage, Jasper Kaun, & Toa Liona) def. Alex Zayne, Blake Christian, & Tony Deppen by pinfall.
Kyle: Tully Blanchard Enterprises/Embassy (3-0)
Willow Nightingale def. Allysin Kay by pinfall.
Kyle: Willow Nightingale (4-0)
ROH World Title Match : Claudio Castagnoli def. Jonathan Gresham © by pinfall to win the ROH World title.
Kyle: Claudio Castagnoli (5-0)
ROH 6-Man Tag Team Titles Match : Dalton Castle and the Boys (Brandon & Brent Tate) def. The Righteous (Bateman, Dutch, & Vincent) © by pinfall to win the ROH 6-Man Tag Team titles.
Kyle: Dalton Castle & the Boys (6-0)
ROH Pure Title Match : Wheeler Yuta © def. Daniel Garcia by pinfall.
Kyle: Wheeler Yuta (7-0)
Rush def. Dragon Lee by pinfall.
Kyle: Rush (8-0)
ROH Women's Title Match : Mercedes Martinez © def. Serena Deeb by submission.
Kyle: Mercedes Martinez (9-0)
ROH Television Title Match : Samoa Joe © def. Jay Lethal by submission.
Kyle: Samoa Joe (10-0)
ROH Tag Team Titles Best 2 Out of 3 Falls Match : FTR (Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood) © def. The Briscoes (Jay & Mark Briscoe) by two falls to one fall.
Kyle: FTR (11-0)
And now the conclusion…
Final standings after AEW ROH Death Before Dishonor 2022 :
1st Place: Kyle 67.2%
2nd Place: Tim 64.0%
3rd Place: Andy 63.6%
4th Place: Ryan 0.0%
Who will survive!?
To watch WWE SummerSlam live on Saturday, July 30, 2022 at 7:00p CST, you can subscribe to Peacock. Until then, here’s your Quixotronic preview. Cards are subject to change.
WWE SummerSlam 2022
Happy Corbin vs Pat McAfee
The Background: Happy Corbin lost to his protégé Madcap Moss at both WWE Hell in a Cell 2022 and the June 17th Smackdown. Later that night, Corbin confronted announcer Pat McAfee over constantly tearing Corbin down on commentary. In turns out that back in the day, both of them played something called "football" and even played on the same team, the Indianapolis Colts. They were even roommates! Either way, McAfee didn't take too kindly to the confrontation so challenged "Bum Ass" Corbin to a match on the June 24th Smackdown. Corbin accepted. Presumably the loser will have to clean the fridge.
Fanboy Fantasy: First a note: Triple H and Stephanie McMahon open the show and welcome everyone to SummerSlam. They mention that with the change in leadership, they won’t be repeating the Authority or the Corporation or anything, but they will be looking to see who steps up. Who wants to be there. Who grabs the bras— but Triple H cuts himself off. He corrects himself: who deserves a chance at the WWE Championship. Happy Corbin’s music hits eighth after this and fills the arena with boos. Hunter and Stephanie excuse themselves to the executive suite for the event while Corbin motions a title belt across his waist. The crowd chants “Bum Ass Corbin” as the match starts and he takes the early advantage until he lets the chants get to him. McAfee is able to use this to steal the advantage and beat on Corbin. They go back and forth for a little bit but McAfee is able to hit a punt kick to Corbin’s head and makes the pin to win the match. McAfee leads the crowd in another “Bum Ass Corbin” chant before heading back to the announcing table. In future episodes, Corbin reverts a little to Sad Corbin because he lost to an announcer, but it is McAfee that tries to pep him up. Corbin didn’t lose to an announcer, he lost to his friend and he beat him as a friend to help him. Corbin won the first Andre the Giant battle royal. He’s a former Intercontinental and United States champion. Hell, he had the Money in the Bank briefcase - but the didn’t win the belt. He’s fought for the title belt in main events, but he didn’t win the belt. He got so full of himself by surrounding himself with minions like Madcap Moss, like Bobby Lashley, like Drew McIntyre. But they went on to compete for the briefcase or even with the WWE Championship multiple times. McAfee is Corbin’s friend and he wants to help him but he can’t - Baron Corbin needs to be the Lone Wolf and show that he deserves a new shot at the belt. With a few backstage segments over a few weeks, we slowly transition to something new: face Baron Corbin.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Happy Corbin - I don't see McAfee going two-in-a-row at major WWE shows.
Andy: Pat McAfee
Tim: Pat McAfee
Matt Riddle vs Seth Rollins
The Background: Matt Riddle has been mostly feuding with Roman Reigns after Bloodline-members the Usos defeated Riddle and Randy Orton to unify the Raw and Smackdown Tag Team titles back on the May 20th Smackdown and injured Orton. Riddle was able to get a WWE Undisputed title match with Reigns, those was defeated on the June 17th Smackdown. After failing to also win the Money in the Bank briefcase, he slipped into a feud with Seth Rollins after a tag team match on the July 11th Raw that saw Riddle & Bobby Lashley defeat Rollins & Austin Theory. Rollins claimed that he didn't even know who Riddle was, especially beyond simply "Orton's friend." Which is a fun hook except also this match was cancelled after I wrote my fantasy booking Rollins "injured" Riddle on the July 25th Raw. In terms of my fantasy show, that didn't happen because Riddle is important to the main event. Spoilers - keep reading!
Fanboy Fantasy: Just before the match starts, Randy Orton’s music starts and Riddle looks back to the entrance with a smile on his face. Unfortunately Rollins slowly smiles also and attacks Riddle from behind. This is amazingly not a good show for Riddle - other than a few spots of hope, Rollins maintains the advantage for the entire match. The finishes sees Riddle swing for an RKO of the top rope, but Rollins reverses it and hits a Curb Stomp for the pin. However we can reenact the Orton/Rollins Curb Stomp into an RKO from WrestleMania 31 but in reverse. Rollins celebrates his victory while Riddle looks dejected. In a post-match interview, Rollins explains that now that he’s shown Riddle the error of his ways and that there’s no reason to pretend to be Randy Orton, he has unfinished business with the champ, Roman Reigns. He won their Royal Rumble match by DQ and he deserves that rematch that he has yet to receive. Now that he’s done with men pretending to be something they’re not (Matt Riddle is not Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes is not Dusty Rhodes), he’s calling Roman out. And he wants it to be Roman because he’s pinned him for the belt before and he’ll love doing it again. Even later in the night in a post-match interview for himself, Riddle admits he need to make a big swing to change his fortune. Both men will return later in the night.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Matt Riddle - Seth Rollins needs a win more after his Cody feud, but I think he'll be used to elevate another talent here. Or also this match is cancelled I guess.
Logan Paul vs The Miz
The Background: Logan Paul first accompanied Sami Zayn for his match against Kevin Owens at WWE WrestleMania 37 - and got a Stunner for showing up. Then this year, he competed at WWE WrestleMania 38 by teaming with Quixo-fave The Miz to defeat the father/son team of Rey & Dominik Mysterio. However during their post-match celebration, The Miz turned face and hit Paul with a Skull-Crushing Finale. Except maybe the Quixo-offices read it wrong and it was Paul who was turned face? That can't be right but that appears to be what WWE thinks. Either way, now they'll fight.
Fanboy Fantasy: Miz comes flanked to the ring with not only Ciampa but also NXT’s Grayson Waller who recently joined the I-want-to-slap-Paul train on Twitter. Logan Paul doesn't come alone either and is flanked by R-Truth and John Cena because why not - Paul is a good guy, damnit. The four men need to hold their respective man back before the bell rings and then Miz and Paul charge at each other with a fury of punches. Any time Logan gets the advantage, R-Truth and Cena celebrate while Ciampa just stares them both down. At one point Truth’s celebration unknowingly enters Ciampa’s personal space so Ciampa takes R-Truth down hard, slamming him into the steps. This brings over Cena, but in the ring this gives Waller a chance to slip the Miz some brass knuckles. With a stiff knuckle punch to Paul, Miz is able to hit an easy Skull Crushing Finale for the win. Waller celebrates with Miz while Ciampa brawls with Cena into the ring. It becomes a 6-man brawl that soon sees Cena hit an Attitude Adjustment on Ciampa, Truth hit an AA in Waller, and Paul hit a final AA on Miz to make everyone feel good. Logan Paul transitions to a few months of R-Truth training skits and possibly NXT for more serious training while Miz gloats about having the best guys to have his back. Shockingly, Waller and Ciampa don’t get along and they finally come to blows during the Royal Rumble - just as Miz and Waller are about to eliminate Ciampa, Johnny Gargano returns to WWE to save the Blackheart and reunite DIY for an eventual showdown with the A-List.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Logan Paul - he's signed, so I think he'll get the win. It'll be up to the Miz if people will celebrate the win, but don't worry, Miz will make it happen.
Andy: Logan Paul
Tim: The Miz
No Holds Barred Match : Judgment Day (Damian Priest & Finn Bálor) vs Los Mysterios (Dominik & Rey Mysterio)
The Background: Los Mysterios defeated Finn Bálor & Damian Priest of The Judgment Day in a standard tag team match on the July 4th Raw and have been fighting ever since. Bálor defeated Rey on the July 11th Raw, then Priest defeated Rey on the July 18th Raw, but then still the combined might of the Los Mysterios defeated Judgment Day again on the July 25th Raw. All this because Judgment Day wanted to recruit Dominik Mysterio after kicking out Edge? Wrong pick guys, wrong pick. But hey, third time's the charm, right?
Fanboy Fantasy: Los Mysterios start out strong by coming out from the crowd while Balor and Priest wait for them. From there they get more “hardcore” than one may expect. Rey hits a hurricanrana into a garbage can. Balor used brass knuckles on Rey’s left eye but it’s no-sold because Rey’s left eye is fake having previously been taken out by Seth Rollins. Priest puts Dominik through the announcer table. Bálor finishes the match with a Coup de Grace off of a ladder onto Rey for the pin. On the next Raw, Finn Bálor invites Dominik into Judgment Day if he wants to break the shackles of his father holding him back. Dominik answers with Rey by his side: no, he’s not ready to join Judgment Day and become one of them. But he’s also not ready to be like his dad either. He will go to NXT to train with the next generation of WWE wrestlers, away from whatever Judgement Day sees in him, but also away from Rey. He wants to wear the mask some day, but he needs to find his own way to it. Rey and Dominik embrace while Judgment Day walks away. After picking up some new members over the next month or two (how about Dominik Dijakovic and Io Shirai?), Edge finally returns for a match against Bálor at Crown Jewel. Edge gets the win there, but Bálor wins a rematch at Survivor Series. We get a couple Edge/Mysterio/Styles vs Judgement Day matches out of it before Bálor faces Styles at WrestleMania while Edge takes on… a heel Drew McIntyre?
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: The Judgment Day - they need more momentum behind them for when Edge returns to hopefully try and fail to take them apart.
Andy: Los Mysterios
Tim: The Judgment Day
WWE United States Title Match : Austin Theory vs Bobby Lashley ©
The Background: Bobby Lashley defeated Austin Theory to win the WWE United States title at WWE Money in the Bank 2022, but then Theory was inserted into the actual Money in the Bank ladder match and won the damn thing. On the July 4th Raw, Theory announced he'd been granted his rematch for his WWE United States title, and after winning it back he'll cash-in on whomever wins the WWE Undisputed title match between Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns. In grand WWE tradition (that will hopefully soon stop), Theory then went on to lose that night with the Alpha Academy to Bobby Lashley & the Street Profits, on the July 11th Raw with Seth Rollins to Lashley & Matt Riddle while also eating a superkick from the returning Dolph Ziggler, to Madcap Moss by DQ on the July 15th Smackdown, to AJ Styles by count out on the July 18th Raw, another loss with the Usos to Moss & the Street Profits on the July 22nd Smackdown, and then to both Drew McIntyre and then to McIntyre & Lashley while teaming with Sheamus on the July 25th Raw. But yeah, he's going to cash-in on either Reigns or Lesnar.
Fanboy Fantasy: Bobby Lashley manhandles Austin Theory once again and throws him across the ring over and over. Theory does his best to stay on the outside and hide and get in a few hits, but mostly Lashley is beating on him. At one point Theory appears to decide he’s had enough and he’ll save himself for the main event, but as he tries to leave with a count our loss, Lashley rushes him and pulls him and the Money in the Bank briefcase back into the ring. We get a ref bump on purpose from Theory - he then smartly kills some time by running around the ring and grabbing the briefcase back and whacks Lashley right in his head so hard there is a dent in the briefcase. Theory wakes up the ref, makes the pin, and retains the WWE United States title. However as he celebrates, Lashley wakes up, sees Theory with the title and his head-shaped dent in the briefcase, so he grabs the briefcase and walks off with it. After the main event, Lashley comes back to the ring with the briefcase to cash-in as the announcers wonder if he even can. Theory is not long behind him and is able to steal the briefcase back, leaving the question open on if Lashley could have used it. Lashley gets pulled into the other shenanigans in the ring as Dolph Ziggler pops up again and hits Theory with yet another super kick before leaving out of the crowd with the briefcase. This leads to a match between Theory and Ziggler over possession of the briefcase and Theory starts defending the briefcase like NJPW does with the G1 briefcase. After a defense against Seth Rollins, he announces he will cash-in just as Rollins did in the main event of WrestleMania, but Adam Pearce tells him he has one more defense of the briefcase: in a MITB ladder match at WrestleMania. Featuring Theory, Ziggler, and most importantly the returning Cody Rhodes. The American Nightmare secures the briefcase as he should have in the first place.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Austin Theory - if we're playing up the idea that he'll cash-in for the big one after the main event, he probably shouldn't have a loss earlier in the night. He's not in a position to take losses like that right now.
Andy: Austin Theory
Tim: Bobby Lashley
Smackdown Women's Title Match : Ronda Rousey vs Liv Morgan ©
The Background: Liv Morgan delighted the world by wining the Money in the Bank briefcase at WWE Money in the Bank 2022, and then cashed-in later that night on Smackdown Women's champion Ronda Rousey after her match with Natalya. Morgan defeated Natalya on the July 15th Smackdown, though according to Rousey it doesn't matter - she got lucky at Money in the Bank, and Rousey is taking the title back at SummerSlam.
Fanboy Fantasy: Ronda Rousey tries to end the match right away, but Morgan is able to dodge her quick strikes and slide out of her submissions. If Rousey gets a submission locked in, Morgan can pull herself to the ropes even from the center of the ring. Rousey tries to pin, Morgan kicks out. Rousey strikes her enough times to busy Morgan open, Morgan just smiles with blood in her teeth. What I’m saying is Morgan is not giving up. With the crowd clearly behind Morgan and nothing working, Rousey locks in the armbar one last time, Morgan makes it to the ropes, the ref counts, but Rousey doesn’t release. She’s disqualified and Morgan retains. With a final stiff kick to Morgan, Rousey storms off and gives the crowd the bird. Morgan moves onto a feud with Lacey Evans while on the next Smackdown, Rousey has a backstage interview where she is still clearly frustrated. Shayna Baszler shows up - the two stare each other down before Baszler simply asks if Rousey is finally ready to work together now. They fist bump and walk off. They have a quick feud with Natalya and… Aliyah I guess before going after the eventually returned WWE Women’s Tag Team titles. Horsewoman violence!
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Liv Morgan - I'm not sure how but I think Morgan will escape with the title.
Andy: Ronda Rousey
Tim: Ronda Rousey
WWE Undisputed Tag Team Titles Match (Jeff Jarrett is the special guest referee) : The Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) vs The Usos (Jey & Jimmy Uso) ©
The Background: The Street Profits have stepped up as the major challengers to the WWE Undisputed Tag Team titles since the Usos defeated Matt Riddle & Randy Orton to unify the titles in the first place on the May 20th Smackdown. Of course the Usos won their original Smackdown Tag Team titles over a year ago at WWE Money in the Bank 2021 by defeating Los Mysterios. The two faced off at WWE Money in the Bank 2022 but the Usos came out on top. Now they'll face each other again and good ol' Double J himself Jeff Jarrett will be the special guest referee. For some reason? Presumably to help promote his match with Ric Flair the next night in Nashville... except they haven't said that? Triple H, just promote it. It's for Ric. Have Corey Graves say it, it'll come off as edgy or unscripted. Let him say "Jay Lethal" on WWE television. Do it.
Fanboy Fantasy: The story going in is will Jeff Jarrett be impartial in his judgment. I hate to break it to you because he’s so great, but Jarrett shows his colors in the match as he starts to count a little faster for the Usos and a little slower for the Street Profits. Ooops, and he never broke that hold that Dawkins should have gotten a rope break for. Even with the fast counts, the Street Profits are able to get their arms up each time. After another near pin that saw all three counts in the span of one, Adam Pearce shows up with footage of Jeff Jarrett taking a payment from Paul Heyman earlier in the night. Pearce announces that while the match will continue as is, he has been told to activate a different referee for the remainder: enter Ric Flair in a referee shirt while security takes Jarrett away. While they pass, Jarrett breaks away and fights with Flair before security regroups and get him out of there while the announcers plug Ric Flair’s Last Ride tomorrow night. Flair slides in, the Street Profits hit the Electric Chair/Diving Blockbuster on Jimmy Uso to score the Flair-counted 1-2-3. Woos all around, and gold has been finally taken from the Bloodline. Will it happen again?
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: The Street Profits - if anything I think the Usos will lose the title to make it appear that Roman may also lose.
Andy: The Usos
Tim: The Street Profits
Raw Women's Title Match : Becky Lynch vs Bianca Belair ©
The Background: Becky Lynch returned to the WWE after 18 months gone at WWE SummerSlam 2021 and defeated Bianca Belair for the Smackdown Women's title in 27 seconds. The Quixo-offices were not fans. Thankfully Belair went on to win the Royal Rumble match and challenge for the Raw Women's title against Lynch at WWE WrestleMania 38 and won the title back! But now it's SummerSlam time again and Lynch is back to repeat last year's accomplishment. Boo this woman.
Fanboy Fantasy: Unsurprisingly but correctly, when Lynch and Belair rush each other when the bell rings, Belair slams Lynch hard with a KOD and pins her - in 20 seconds, 7 seconds quicker than Lynch at last year's show. Lynch flips out and her tantrum lasts far longer than their match or their entrances. Just as Lynch appears to attack Belair in her frustration, Bayley’s music hits! Both Lynch and Belair look ready for a new fight when Bayley smiles and hugs Belair to congratulate her. Lynch gets even more mad, so Bayley hugs her - only to hook her into a hard Belly-to-Bayley. After a final hug to a shocked Belair, Bayley heads to the back. On future episodes of Raw, Bayley announces she's back and she's wants to fix what's happened to the entire women's division in her absence. First, she wants not only the WWE Women's Tag Team titles brought back - but their rightful champions. Second, she wants a traditional Survivor Series match with all of her Four Horsewomen against whomever wants to step up. But because those matches are 5-on-5, that leaves an extra spot that she'd like to give to Bianca Belair, the one bright spot of the women's division while Bayley's been away. Bayley herself pushed Belair as far as she could and Belair stepped up, so maybe she could one day unify the Raw and Smackdown's Women's titles like the men's titles even. Sasha Banks and Naomi are brought back while Bayley becomes protective of Belair, at least until Bayley moves to Smackdown in the draft. While over there, Bayley earns a Smackdown Women's title match against champion Ronda Rousey (she gets the belt back from Morgan in another month or two) at the Royal Rumble - and wins. But then Bayley shows up as #30 in the Royal Rumble - and wins. With the Smackdown title in her hands, she laughingly challenges Bianca Belair to a title unification match at WrestleMania 39. You see it was her plan all along to face Belair at WrestleMania, and unifying the titles will just be icing on the cake. Plus we finally get the last Horsewoman into a WrestleMania main event. Too bad for her Belair goes three-for-three and unifies title titles.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Bianca Belair - don't fuck this up, Triple H!
Andy: Becky Lynch
Tim: Bianca Belair
WWE Undisputed World Title Last Man Standing Match : Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns ©
The Background: This is Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar's... 7th singles match on a premium live event for a World or Universal title in 7 years. It's not as spread out as it sounds as this is the 3rd in less than a year. Right now Reigns leads 3-2 (neither man won the first singles match as Seth Rollins cashed-in his Money in the Bank briefcase mid-match at WWE WrestleMania 31 and pinned Reigns). The stats are:
WWE WrestleMania 31 (March 29, 2015) - Seth Rollins wins (tied 0-0)
WWE WrestleMania 34 (April 8, 2018) - Brock Lesnar wins (Lesnar leads, 1-0)
WWE Greatest Royal Rumble 2018 (April 27, 2018) - Brock Lesnar wins (Lesnar leads , 2-0)
WWE SummerSlam 2018 (August 19, 2018) - Roman Reigns wins (Lesnar leads, 2-1)
WWE Crown Jewel 2021 (October 21, 2021) - Roman Reigns wins (tied 2-2)
WWE WrestleMania 38 (April 3, 2022) - Reigns wins (Reigns leads, 3-2)
Lesnar hasn't won in a while, so maybe he's due? I want to say that would require him to start coming to work more, but Reigns is on the same schedule Brock is on now. Either way, hopefully it's the last time the face off for a long time and they meet again only to randomly become Tag Team champions together when they accidentally co-exist.
Fanboy Fantasy: Once both men are in the ring, we get introductions like NXT used to do for their title matches. Lights lower, spotlights on the competitors. Big fight feel. And then the two proceed to beat the shit out of each other. Hopefully they’ll go beyond hitting F5s and Spears, so we’re going to pretend that they do and use some actual match logic. Either way, Roman gets the win by getting up before ten and having wiped out Lesnar with… 17 spears. So Brock gets up at the eleven count. While Roman is being presented with his title belts, Bobby Lashley’s music hits and he comes down to the ring with the Money in the Bank briefcase. Before he can make the official handoff to the referee (which the announcers openly wonder if the referee will accept), Austin Theory returns from the back and is able to grab it back. Lashley goes to spear Theory, but spears Roman instead! Lesnar watches this and laughs his ass off as Seth Rollins shows up from the back to hit a Curb Stomp on Roman while he’s down. By this point the Usos and Sami Zayn rush from the back to defend Reigns from the odd Lashley/Rollins team-up. Theory sees the numbers grow so tries to head to the back with his briefcase only to step into yet another superkick from Dolph Ziggler who steals the briefcase and disappears into the crowd with it. Lesnar, not liking the Bloodline getting the upper hand on Lashley and Rollins, steps up and hits an F5 first on Jimmy Uso, then Jey, then Theory who is still there pouting over his briefcase, but not Sami Zayn. Instead, he pushes Zayn aside and grabs Paul Heyman and F5s Heyman! Roman Reigns pulls a rare chicken-shit escape but when he gets to the entryway, Drew McIntyre’s music hits and the Scottish Psychopath appears to stare down Reigns face to face before their match at Clash at the Castle. As the credits logo appears in the corner, we get a final sudden cut back to the ring where Matt Riddle has rushed the ring and hit Brock Lesnar with a Bro To Sleep into a BroDerek! Riddle said he needed to make a big change but maybe he’s made a big mistake! Now we have multiple people clearly gunning for the WWE World title in Lashley, Rollins, Theory, Ziggler, and McIntyre, while Brock Lesnar enters a feud that is not related to Roman Reigns at all. Plus why didn’t he F5 Sami Zayn? WHY. Roman’s going to have to show up to work not only to fend off his challengers but also to get his house in order. Don Roman is not pleased.
Quixotronic Bullpen Predictions:
Kyle: Roman Reigns - #DonRomanIsPleased
Andy: Roman Reigns
Tim: Roman Reigns
That's it for our preview and fantasy booking for WWE SummerSlam 2022.
We'll be back at some point - presumably for the combo-weekend of WWE Clash at the Castle 2022 and AEW All Out 2022. Plus also an NXT event the same day as AEW? I don't think that's a great idea, Hunter. But hey, it's your ship!
Please checkout a full season of all-fantasy Quixo booking with WWE 2021 : Quixo-WrestleMania 37, Quixo-Great American Bash 2021, and Quixo-SummerSlam 2021! What's better than some fantasy booking? All fantasy booking.