We’re officially on the Road to WrestleMania (™) and since 2010 that means some bodies need to be chamber eliminated. This year’s WWE Elimination Chamber airs Sunday, March 8, 2020, and will be out of ECW homeland Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, so hopefully we may see a touch of blood and guts before AEW’s Blood & Guts show. One can assume they will literally be chanting for it, so give it to us, Vince! Also there is no Fastlane show this year so this is WWE’s last stop before the grandest show of them all.
If you want to watch live on Sunday, you’ll want to subscribe to the WWE Network. Until then, here’s your Quixotronic preview of the show.
Card Matches, Hopes, and Dreams:
(card subject to change)
WWE Intercontinental Title Handicap Match: Cesaro, Sami Zayn, & Shinsuke Nakamura vs Braun Strowman ©
The Background: Shinsuke Nakamura won the WWE Intercontinental belt shortly after Finn Balor brought the title over from Raw to Smackdown during the original Superstar Shakeup after WrestleMania 36. To be more specific, he beat Balor on the pre-show of WWE Extreme Rules on July 14, despite the fact that the two facing off is a NJPW dream match. After that, Nakamura continued the pre-show trend and did a whole lot of nothing with the belt, only documenting three title defenses on television or pay-per-view in the 6 ½ months he was champion (for the record, those were defeating Mustafa Ali on July 27th Smackdown, defeating The Miz on September 15 at WWE Clash of Champions, and a DQ loss to Roman Reigns on October 18th Smackdown. Instead, he’s worked mostly tag team matches with Cesaro until his January 31st loss of the WWE Intercontinental title to Strowman following a previous non-title loss and a tag team loss to the Beast Among Men. Due to Strowman being a literal monster and Shinsuke Nakamura and his stablemates Cesaro and Sami Zayn being inferior men, we have a handicap match teaming those three against Strowman.
Fanboy Fantasy: As much as I don’t want him to take the fall, I would have Sami and Shinsuke abandon Cesaro mid-match so that the Swiss Superman takes the fall. This could lead to a falling out between Cesaro and Sami/Nakamura and turn Cesaro face. This could then lead to a face vs face match of respect between Cesaro and Strowman that could showcase Cesaro’s power in then defeating Strowman. Zayn can then stay as Nakamura’s mouthpiece until his shoulders are good enough for him to wrestle on a regular basis again.
Fanboy Fear: I really only see this going one way: with Strowman pinning all three in a giant dogpile and getting a way-too-easy win.
WWE United States Title Match: Humberto Carrillo vs Andrade ©
The Background: Andrade defeated Rey Mysterio back at WWE’s December 26th Madison Square Garden show and was off to great things until he was hit by a 30-day suspension due to WWE’s wellness policy. In his four title defenses since winning the title (1 more than Nakamura in a fraction of the time when factoring in literally being suspended during half of his title reign) he’s been circling previous champion Mysterio and current challenger Humberto Carrillo. Humberto put Andrade on the shelf for the month for storyline purposes and after pinning the champ in a tag team match up on the March 2nd Raw (that also included pants-master Angel Garza) we’re back to a one on one match between the two.
Fanboy Fantasy: Andrade gets a decisive victory that hopefully allows Carrillo to still look good and build his resume. Extra interference from Carrillo’s cousin Garza and further team ups between Andrade and Garza would be very welcome. All four men can likely be thrown together for a clusterfuck of a ladder match for the title at WrestleMania along with a possible future challenger noted below.
Fanboy Fear: I don’t see Carrillo getting the title here or anytime soon, even for shock value. Andrade just got back and needs to establish his run with the title. And he will.
WWE Raw Tag Team Titles Match: Buddy Murphy & Seth Rollins vs Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) ©
The Background: After failing to defeat Aleister Black in a series of matches, a depressed Buddy Murphy found refuge in the arms of the Monday Night Messiah (™) and his Architects of Pain Akam and Rezar (seriously, I don’t understand how the whole group isn’t officially called the Architects of Pain at this point). Despite AOP filling the tag team role in the group, Murphy and Rollins defeated the Viking Raiders (Erik & Ivar) to win the WWE Raw Tag Team titles on the January 20th Raw. However after a successful defense at WWE Super ShowDown, Rollins & Murphy dropped the titles to the Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins & Montez Ford) on the go-home March 2nd Raw. This is the rematch to that rematch.
Fanboy Fantasy: Kevin Owens showing up to ruin Rollins’ party seems like a solid bet if we’re running that feud to WrestleMania. This could lead to a one on one match between the two, and spin the Street Profits off to a WrestleMania defense against AOP and Viking Raiders. It’s always fun to watch the skinny guys trapped in a hoss fight. If we want to be more economical though you could plug Rollins/Murphy into a clusterfuck tag team match at Mania along with Owens and a hopefully-returned-by-then Samoa Joe. Hoss fight indeed.
Fanboy Fear: Look for Murphy to take the pin after one of Montez Ford’s insanely high frog splashes. Rollins will eat a stunner from an interfering Owens and Owens/Street Profits will celebrate with a handful of Steve-weisers. Kevin-weisers? Red cup-weisers.
Daniel Bryan vs Drew Gulak
The Background: Drew Gulak has been scouting Daniel Bryan for the last several weeks, working commentary while watching Bryan defeat Heath Slater on the February 21st Smackdown and Curtis Axel on the February 28th Smackdown. Bryan formally challenged Gulak to a match while Gulak was explaining Bryan’s many weaknesses to an interested Drake Maverick.
Fanboy Fantasy: I would love nothing more than for Drew Gulak’s scouting to have been correct and for him to score a victory over Daniel Bryan. Gulak could then go on to try and teach Bryan from the ground up, trying to rebuild the former champion in his own image. And what if… Daniel went along with it?
Fanboy Fear: Gulak is from Philadelphia, so tradition dictates he will be going out on his back and Daniel Bryan will score the winning pinfall. I’d image Bryan could extend a hand of respect to Gulak after a more-gruelling-than-expected match, though I doubt Gulak would accept his hand.
AJ Styles vs Aleister Black
The Background: Aleister Black was attacked by the OC (Ken Anderson & Luke Gallows) prior to his match with Erick Rowan on the February 24th Raw. After defeating Rowan despite starting with a lower HP level than normal, Black called out Styles for a match on the March 2 Raw. Instead, Black had to face Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows in separate singles matches first. Again knocked down to low-level HP, Styles then accepted a match and easily defeated Black. Now Black wants proper revenge on Styles.
Fanboy Fantasy: Fight for-ever *clap clap clapclapclap* Fight for-ever *clap clap clapclapclap*. But seriously, I would love to see Aleister Black sneak past the 2-time WWE champion and set himself up as a legitimate contender. While Styles moves on to The Undertaker at WrestleMania, this frees up Aleister for a possible challenge to Andrade’s WWE United States title by easily pointing out that it was Andrade whom Black defeated for the NXT title back at 2018’s NXT Takeover: New Orleans. One step further: Andrade defeated Drew McIntyre for the NXT title at NXT Takeover: WarGames I and we could have fun with all three in a WWE World title feud with Andrade as the clear villain, McIntyre as the clear hero, and Aleister as the middleman ready to take down both.
Fanboy Fear: Realistically I assume AJ will score the pin to gain momentum going into his match with The Undertaker at WWE WrestleMania 36. As long as it’s not completely one-sided it should be fun.
WWE Smackdown Tag Team Titles Elimination Chamber Match: Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode vs Heavy Machinery (Otis & Tucker) vs Lucha House Party (Gran Metalik & Lince Dorado) vs New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) vs Usos (Jey & Jimmy Uso) vs John Morrison & Miz ©
The Background: After reuniting following Morrison’s return to WWE after 8 years, the Dirt Sheet Duo captured the WWE Smackdown Tag Team titles at WWE Super ShowDown by defeating the New Day. After simply trying to celebrate their win on the February 28th Smackdown, it was announced Miz and Morrison would be defending their titles in the Elimination Chamber this Sunday. Outside of the championship, Dolph Ziggler and Otis Dozovic have been each wooing Mandy Rose - and on Valentine’s Day we learned that Mandy chose the wrong man. On the go-home March 6th Smackdown, Heavy Machinery went the distance in a 6-team gauntlet match to determine the last entrant in the Chamber - Otis and Tucky pinned the four teams only to lose out to Ziggler and Roode.
Fanboy Fantasy: What if we had a dark horse winner? What if Heavy Machinery shocked the world at capturing the tag team titles, last eliminating Ziggler and Roode of course, avenging their defeat two nights earlier? Otis and Tucky would dedicate their gold to steaks and weights, and then hopefully close out their Mandy Rose-focused storyline. Or continue to WrestleMania with a Mandy-on-a-pole match? Even though Miz and Morrison are fun to have together again, both could easily move on to bigger and better things in the singles divisions.
Fanboy Fear: I actually think Heavy Machinery will pull this one out. They got the Kofi-push in the gauntlet match and that will hopefully lead to some gold. Again their feud with Ziggler and Roode could easily continued to WrestleMania.
#1 Contendership Elimination Chamber Match: Asuka vs Liv Morgan vs Natalya vs Ruby Riott vs Sarah Logan vs Shayna Baszler
The Background: Becky Lynch won the WWE Raw Women’s title in the main event of WWE WrestleMania 35 and has held the title ever since. She has since defeated entrants Natalya at WWE SummerSlam 2019 and Asuka at WWE Royal Rumble 2020, though both are at the level of always being in title contention. The former Riott Squad has been split up last year’s Superstar Shakeup and have only now been brought back together and come to blows with all three on Raw and all three finally healthy (Ruby Riott had been out most of the year following shoulder surgery). The three came to a head on the March 2nd Raw in a one on one match between Morgan and Riott that Logan refereed and performed a fast count againt Riott. And finally there’s Shayna 2-Time, the only two-time NXT Women’s champion. Baszler is coming in after closing out her 548-day cumulative run with the belt (3 weeks longer than Asuka’s run, though Asuka had one continuous reign), having already defeated Lynch (and more directly submitting Smackdown’s Bayley) at WWE Survivor Series in a champion vs champion vs champion match, and after literally biting flesh out of Lynch’s neck on the February 10th Raw. The winner faces Becky Lynch for the WWE Raw Women’s title at WWE WrestleMania 36.
Fanboy Fantasy: We have been building Bazler/Lynch up for too long not to commit to the match. The Riott Squad should cancel each other out and continue their three-way feud while Natalya can show off some submissions before eating an easy chokeout from Baszler. The big money here is Asuka vs Shayna Baszler. In a perfect world, Kairi Sane is on the outside purely as support for her WWE Women’s Tag Team partner until a main roster-debuting Mercedes Martinez takes Sane out, breaks into the cage, and helps Baszler destroy Asuka. This keeps the shine on Asuka (as she should always have), sets up a quick mini-feud between the Kabuki Warriors and the MMA fighters while Baszler then sets her sights officially on Lynch and the title. Baszler doesn’t need extra muscle, and that’s exactly why she should. Shayna 2-Time is coming’. Get ready for legal murder in the cage.
Fanboy Fear: There’s no way Baszler isn’t walking out of the Elimination Chamber as the #1 contender, there’s only a question over how many of the other contenders she herself eliminates. After her very quick eight eliminations at the Royal Rumble, look for her to continue her dominant ways and potentially eliminate all 5 opponents.
Thanks for joining me on this first of hopefully many Wrestletronic show previews (and subsequent results/reviews). Be sure to subscribe on Facebook and follow https://www.quixotronic.com/ for more questionable content.